ugh-another day

ok so today i am going to start by i need a new job-who doesn't though right? i work at kohls in warner robins. i am the mens lead in the store and it is pure hell. there are a few upsides-such as the handfull of people that i love and adore there. and everyday i feel like that handfull gets smaller and smaller. for instance i just found out someone i consider a close friend just spilt the beans to our store manager about who called corporate on her and made a corportae HR lady come down to talk to people, and not only that but straight up told her all the questions that were asked. this a girl who is mentally unstable and who will fold to anyone no matter if its throwing her friends under the bust to get ahead. and maybe it has taken this to get the point across but i got it. ugh...what a little bitch. she can talk for days about how she hates her and tell the corporate lady everything under the sun but turns around and sticks her head up the managers ass? wtf??!!

so i knew today was going to be a long day at work-it ended up being not as long but more frustratin then anything so i wanted myt makeup to be somewhat simple and some pretty pink...i love the color pink but just dont wear it often-maybe because the pinks i have are so bright that im kinda frightened to use them. so it doesnt end up like i wanted it to.


my feeling for the day?? im gonna go with happy/angry. i like to make up my own feelings. i try anyways. so happy/angry? its like i really am angry but am trying hard to be happy whether its just tryin to convince myself that i am not angry that i am happy i dunno?

i think i need to dig deep and find what really makes me happy. but that is hard. people, love, laughter-that makes me happy, but it is love that makes me angry and people that make me so frustrated. ugh im gonna have to come back to this blog bc i am so distracted by my thoughts and i am tired. so this is to be continued.....

a new beginnin'

so this is my first blog. and this is my first blog within my blog. i have tried to start one of these a million times, but never really had a concept that i believed fit me. i just did not want to just type about my day or what was going on, because the truth is-i live in a very boring, small, close-nit town and not much changes on a day to day basis. Throughout every day i will add tid bits about me and my personal life. or thoughts and whats going on in my daily life so people wont just wonder who and what this is all coming from.

so a few days ago i started taking pictures of my make-up everyday. i have always wanted to do make-up professionally but never took that jump. so i started taking pictures and decided i was going to start a portfolio of my different make-up looks. have a different look a day-and see how many days i can go with different looks. so here is my look for today:



i love poetry. all kinds. i grew up reading poetry, so i love kids poems, to adult poetry to my own. so i am going to try and put a wide variety of it on here, but mostly its going to be whatever i am feeling today. so i am going to start with one my favorites. Fire and Ice By Robert Frost. To me he is one, if not the greatest. To me anyways:

Fire And Ice By Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.


desire and hate? who doesn't find their own personal conflict with that? i think that he is comparing fire and ice to hate and desire, because really they are almost the same. sometimes i think id rather hate then have all the feelings of desire-that i kill off parts of me faster with all the love, lust and desire i have for whatever it may be. they are even in their evils. i think they both can destroy the world and any human being. i know for me i love too much and i hate too hard. i think even though i know that maybe in ice ie hate, i cant live without how hard i love. i love alot and i love way to hard for someone who finds herself drowning in unrequited love. but it is who i am. love me or hate me for it.



i wanted to have a word of the day. it might not be some greatly profound word, but maybe just a word that has a meaning to me in that moment or that day. so today my word is compromise.

Compromise: a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.

i have come to the conclusion that i am over making compromises with people who refuse to make them with me. i am hard working, honest, loyal-why must i compromise myself and/or what i do when you only make empty promises or you do not seem to understand what changes you need to undergo in order for anything to be complete-to be settled. this word not only seems to take over my personal life but is starting to have a huge part of my professional life. i seem to never be ok with what i am doing. that is on the smal scale as in what i am doing now and what i want in the long run.

so my lesson of the day? its only you in the end so stop always thinkin of everyone else and do what you gotta do for you. i have lived too long for the other people, for everyone else in my life. i deserve, want and need more. so dont just throw them away just think of you first. and when i start takin my own advice ill let yall know. lol